all creatures great and small,
all things wise and wonderful,
The CHEF must hate them all..
A:
Asparagus:
Green and pointy Asparagus used to be a seasonal vegetable,but thanks to such food pioneers as Green Giant -This delight is available all year round.Cooking it requires about 3 minutes in boiling seasoned water,unfortunatley no one told Green Giant this and their product is cooked for 11 years on average.
The pro Vegan video:
Anti Vegan Video:
V:
Vegans: These are a very easy Species of Twot to spot. If you spot a Woman, who looks like a cross between Bilbo Baggins toe hair and Tippex, then you will have to take Emergency Action. But, what to do? Well, you can Close the Restaurant- You will lose money, but it's worth it, to avoid this Spirit Crushing, Sandal Wearing apparition. Even when the Bank arrive to repossess your place and your Wife has left you for Les Dennis, you can luxuriate in the knowledge, that you didn't have to pander to the whims of Caterings Ultimate Fuck Tard. Well done that man, now run Her through with a sharpened Baguette.
Vegetarians: A close relation to the Vegan, but not always as pasty, due to the occassional Bacon Buttie (they will deny this, but catch one with a Hangover and taunt it with a Bacon Buttie and see what happens, it's more fun than burning Ants with a Magnifying Glass). Because they are much harder to spot, some even have Sun tans for instance, there is a greater chance of them appearing in your Restaurant. Once in, they are a bit like Malaria, or Ring worm, very hard to get rid of. However, it is important not to panic and break out the Tofu just yet. A sharp blow to the head (for a Weapon of Choice, may I suggest a Whole frozen Alaskan Salmon, delicious with an Oaky Chardonnay, as you eat the evidence?) will suffice, just don't forget to Date Label the offending Parts in the Freezer. Enviromental Health Officers are pretty keen on this.
